Moving Mountains by Millimetres: When therapy feels slow

The other day in a peer supervision group, I was led through a lovely meditation by one of my very skilled colleagues. When asked afterwards what came up, I hesitated before deciding to share honestly that instead of being relaxed and centered, I wanted to jump out of my skin! 

After many years of practicing mindfulness, there are still lots of moments when the speed of what’s happening inside of me is very much in contrast with the pace of a meditation practice. As I reflected on how difficult it can be to slow down, what came up is how therapy asks this of us too, and how uncomfortable that can be at times. 

When I first came to therapy in my 20s, I wanted relief - and quick. It makes sense that we arrive like this. People usually come to therapy because we’re suffering in a way that feels overwhelming - who wouldn’t want relief from that as fast as possible?! Sometimes when we’re new to therapy, there can be an initial feeling of disappointment when “fixes” or changes aren’t appearing to happen right away - I’ve definitely experienced this.

There are so many slow-and-steady-wins-the-race-type metaphors I want to insert here! But, let’s just say if you’ve ever been in a hurry to get out the door and the more you rush, the more flustered and ineffective you become, you’ve experienced a version of how going too-fast can actually set us back. 

In therapy, too much too quickly might increase distress or cause us to miss valuable information and skim the surface of what really deserves our time and attention. And so, we practice going slower, moving at a manageable pace, building a safe container in the form of a strong relationship between therapist and client, all while developing the skills to notice what we’re experiencing in the present moment as we go. 

I first heard the phrase “moving mountains by millimetres" from Allison McCleary on the Edge of the Couch podcast, and it perfectly captured this idea of moving at a pace that’s sustainable, moving forward little by little towards something significant and meaningful.

While we hopefully feel some immediate relief from having a space to share what’s on our hearts and minds, being attuned to and cared for by our therapist, and feeling less alone with what’s troubling us, I’ve learned that therapy is maybe more accurately approached like a practice: a process that is very often non-linear and almost always takes time… and a space where we can engage with intention and curiosity over urgency.

I love this quote by author Junot Diaz:
“The whole culture is telling you to hurry, while art tells you to take your time.”

I’ve always thought of therapy as an art form of sorts; at its best, the process is creative, flexible, engaged, expressive and - for sure, sometimes - a bit messy. Like making a piece of art, we might have a sense of where we’re starting but can’t really say for sure where we’ll end up. What we weave in therapy can be complex and difficult at times (though often with a lot of lightness in the mix too! :) ) , but if we stay with the process, hopefully it’s so worth the time and effort and patience so we can create something strong and sturdy enough to hold us.